Fundamental Two: Acceptance

Some words of wisdom from J.K. Rowling to kick this off…

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”

Quite the powerful quote, I hope you’ll agree.

J.K Rowling crawled her way out of a deep dark depression having once contemplated suicide. And the rest is history.

Just to be clear, I'm not saying you have to write the next Harry Potter series!

Admitting you have a problem and accepting it are very different.

Acceptance comes the day you drop all self-pity, embody the fundamentals, and take it upon yourself to fight your way out of this mess.

I know that might sound harsh, but trust me—I speak from experience—it's necessary.

It took me years to accept my reality. I hated it. Who doesn't? I was angry. I felt the world was against me. I kept asking WHY, WHY ME, WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS SHIT?

Nobody deserves this.

I was furious.

Can you relate?

All this is a natural reaction.

Therefore, the objective must be to move past this stage ASAP because the longer you stay here, the bigger the problem will become.

And all the while, you’re just a few swift moves from changing everything for the better. Your life will be a million times better when you truly accept that this is something you need to work with.

Not so long ago, I was working with a lady who began romancing soon after we started speaking.

After a little turbulence, and based on her past experiences with love, she expected the relationship to end promptly. And she wanted to end it before he did.

Unsurprisingly, this caused her anxiety to spike.

She was desperate to get it sorted, because, in her eyes, this was the source of all past failed relationships.

Her anxiety was to blame, and it was about to strike again.

All fundamentals are intrinsically linked, and with little understanding, she was putting herself in a position to ensure her relationship would destruct.

Desperate to put an end to it, she started looking to other therapies such as hypnosis to expedite the recovery process.

As you can imagine, when asked how things had worked out in the past, the answer wasn't a positive one.

And now she was beginning to repeat the same patterns of behaviour.

To save you the details, the reason was that she wasn't willing — up until that point — to do what she had to do. She wasn’t willing to look inwards and communicate what was really going on.

She just wanted to be fixed. Immediately. She hadn't accepted that something that's been part of her life for twenty years wouldn't just disappear and wasn't prepared to do that which was needed to be done.

She still wanted to repress it all.

This lack of acceptance was at the root of a 20-year struggle which could have been avoided.

I was the same. I’m sure you might be also.

And it was that conversation which completely changed her world because she decided she was no longer going to be her worst enemy. And with that, the fundamentals aligned for her to do the work to set her free.

Below is a snippet of what she had to say;

"I don't know why I previously expected to find a quick fix in the other therapies when it's taken years and years to make me feel this way. The hard work is so worth it as I finally am starting to see how much this is improving my life - even small day to day interactions with strangers that last 20 seconds now give me so much happiness. With previous therapies, I often held back as I felt quite judged whereas with Nicky, you know he's been through the exact same thing before so it feels so much more genuine because he has actual experience of what you're going through compared to others who have only learned about it from books."

Today, she is recently engaged and extremely happy in a loving, committed and healthy relationship.

Acceptance opens the door to healing. The longer it takes to accept, the longer it will take you to recover. After all, the opposite of acceptance is denial.

Every case is different. You're an individual with unique circumstances.

Regardless, you must accept this reality and be ok with not being ok. Just for now.

It will make all the difference in the world when you start applying different tools and techniques to bring you the peace of mind you desire and deserve.

Remember, that which we resist persists. By truly accepting it, you will remove much of its power.

Consider acceptance to be kryptonite for your anxiety.

I know a lot of what I say will sound counter-intuitive, but if you trust the process you might just thank me for it later.

Lifestyle changes are required. There's no getting around it.

This is a beautiful thing and should be embraced because your life will be so much better for it.

It could be a little tweak or something major—it's impossible for me to know without knowing you, but I do know something has to change. And when you take action—everything will change.

The more you fight it, the more power you give it. By accepting it, you will begin to disarm it. And that's when the magic starts to happen.

It's not as complicated as it's made out to be. There is no magical cure so you can save yourself the stress of looking for one. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. The cure lies within you even if you can’t see it just yet.

For now, start looking at how your resistance to anxiety has been feeding it.

To your health, Nicky