The Rise and Consequences of Individualism
Here I go again with my hypocrisy: The irony isn't lost that I run a website using my name with a dot com after it while working for myself, by myself. I've penned words on the darker side of self-employment and how isolating it can feel at times, and how — more than anything — I dearly miss the banter I had with colleagues back in the good ol' stuck-in-the-office-days.
I also believe the rise in remote work will transcend into a mental health shit show when the honeymoon period of pantless meetings wears off and the realisation sinks in as to just how important colleagues, camaraderie, and connection is for one's mental health — the only problem Zoom cannot — and will not — solve.
While the above is speculative, what follows is not:
Much evidence suggests "individualism or independence is more frequently observed in European American cultural contexts, whereas collectivism or interdependence is more frequently observed in East Asian cultural contexts." No gold stars for guessing which is better for mental health.
How we live our lives in the West is based primarily on individualism — we look after ourselves and, well, fuck everybody else? Kidding! We're not that bad, but we could be doing a whole lot better and, as a result, be a whole lot healthier and live a whole lot happier.
Life in the West, for many, is all about building resumes and collecting accolades. The better your resume and accolades, the more successful you're presumed to be. It's keeping up with the Joneses on crack! Nonstop comparison — must accomplish more, must acquire more, must be more. More, more, more. It's never enough. And as a consequence, we suffer.
We suffer because poor values have been instilled in us. Media, advertising, and other prick-sticks (ahem, self-help!) have led us to believe that happiness is attained by acquiring stuff and being better than everybody else. And while we're all obsessing over possessions and accolades and the pursuit of extraordinary, we inevitably neglect that which brings us joy and fulfillment. That is connection — through family, friendships, relationships, community, and experiences.
According to a Berkley study, highlighted by Johan Hari in his brilliant book, Lost Connections, we suffer because we think of ourselves before we think of others. This particular study aimed to answer the million-dollar question: Could you actually make yourself happier through concerted effort?
It seems batshit, right? Because we know, by now, chasing happiness to be an insufferable pursuit. It's a fleeting emotion — one that comes and goes, one where the more you fixate on it, the less likely you are to attain it.
Surely it's not possible?
As citizens of the West, if tasked with making ourselves happier through concerted effort, it's highly probable that we would fail spectacularly. The study tracked thousands from the U.S (representing the West), Russia, Japan, and Taiwan. Not sure why they ignored Europe, but what are you going to do?
The results were shocking.
In America (and likely Ireland, the U.K, Australia, etc.), the majority, when tasked with pursuing happiness, pursue it for themselves because that's how we believe it works. Hence, a culture based on an individualistic way of looking at life. I'd hazard a guess that Instagram isn't making it any easier.
Unsurprisingly, it didn't work. However, while the U.S. failed, Russia, Taiwan, and Japan did actually become happier. The fuckers!
Now, I know what you're thinking because I was thinking the very same: Something fishy is up with the Russians? So, like the good investigative journalist that I am, I consulted a Russian friend, who immediately insisted they cheated, which makes total sense, so I'm happy to do what the good people at Berkley didn't have the balls to do and disqualify them. But what about the others?
Why — and how — were they able to obtain greater happiness levels while the West fell short?
While we collect stuff and chase accolades to build our ego and attain happiness, in Japan, Taiwan, and possibly — but highly unlikely — Russia, they focus on the happiness of those around them. This appears to be the rather large missing piece of the puzzle.
Note: I imagine a few objections at this stage, so I'll say this: While it is true that many agreeable people with poor boundaries suffer for putting others' needs ahead of their own, it's not the same — that's neglect, and it leads to resentment, anger, anxiety, depression, and so on. It's nuanced and complex and needs to be addressed. You can't do that by handing out free Chupa-Chups at your local community gathering.
So much self-help keeps telling us we need to be extraordinary and better than everyone around us. Because of it, we feel more lonely, isolated, anxious, and depressed because we now have an inflated sense of self.
Whereas in Asia, it's not about the person on stage — it's about everyone in the crowd. They succeeded in becoming happier because their focus was on making things better for their group and those around them. They see it as a collective. If the people around them are happy, they'll be happy. Hence, a culture based on community.
This begs the question: If you're currently unhappy, it might be time to ask yourself if you've been going about remedying it the wrong way all along?