Ten Commandments to Help You Break Free From Stress and Anxiety

Many mistakes are made — and lessons learned — throughout the process of figuring out how to overcome anxiety. Some of the biggest offenders that come to mind are the pursuit of instant gratification, definitive cures, and quick fixes because, paradoxically, they cause more harm than good.

The opposite is where you'll find that pot of gold:

• The more you delay gratification, the better your life will be. 

• When you stop looking for a definitive cure and start putting in the work, the sooner you'll find your “cure.” 

• And when it seems too good to be true, it's likely because it is. 

Another critical mistake is trying too hard: Taking five programs at once while simultaneously seeing a psychologist, shaman, hypnotherapist, reiki master, and all sorts of other voodoo shit while desperately researching and acquiring as much knowledge as possible on the subject from the internet. 

All Praise Google!

That's not a recipe for peace. It's a recipe for chaos. Shit gets confusing real fast. And the more confused you become, the less likely you are to find the freedom you both deserve and desire. 

Simplicity rules the day. The more we simplify, the greater the likelihood of a favorable outcome. So what is it you are trying to change?

Arguably, you are trying to change how you think. And how you speak to yourself. When our self-talk becomes positive — as opposed to default negative — life takes a turn for the better. When we start thinking differently and seeing things differently, life takes a turn for the better. 

As you know, old habits die hard. This isn't easy. It takes time, commitment, and discipline. So how can you help yourself?

Let us turn to the world of behavioral science and adopt a theory these cheeky little bastards have been using against us for years to get us to desire and buy shit we don’t need. The theory is known as Nudge. 

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"Nudge is a concept in behavioral economics, political theory, and behavioral sciences which proposes positive reinforcement and indirect suggestions as ways to influence the behavior and decision making of groups or individuals." 

Not all nudges are created equal. You need the right kind of nudge. Rules to live by — commandments if you will. Not written by someone else for you. Written by you fro you. Ones you can use daily to remind yourself of behaviors that once actioned repeatedly will begin to penetrate your subconscious and ultimately change your entire world. 

These commandments — or nudges or mantras or rules — should be rooted in action and appeal to your vulnerabilities to inspire you to overcome your fears and make the changes required for a better life. They are not the be-all and end-all. They are complementary — your own personal Nudge if you will. If you tend to be overly negative around others and wonder why they don't want to hang out with you, you can create a commandment to help you reverse this.

Thou shall be more optimistic, positive, and energetic in the presence of others. 

It's clearly not as simple as saying the words, but over time, if you are committed to change, it can profoundly impact your default state, producing a more positive outlook while also making you a complete hit at parties. Because you constantly remind yourself to change a behavior you know is hurting you and negatively impacting your quality of life.

Ask yourself this: What are some specific problems in your behavior that, once tweaked, through repeated action, can lead to drastic improvements in your quality of life?  

The goal here is not to end up with a list the length of the Nile. That would defeat the purpose. You want it short, sweet, concise, and potent. Aim for ten. Max. Then distill it down to two or three for you to work on every single day. And make sure to write them on sticky pads and place them strategically to receive your own regular Nudge to ensure they are always front of mind. 

A ramble introducing the commandments and more.

A good chef always walks you through the preparation process before whipping out a dish they prepared earlier for you to salivate over. So here are just a few examples I prepared to help inspire you to take action and write out your own commandments. 

1. Thou shall use positive self-talk

2. Thou shall practice gratitude and thank people often

3. Thou shall practice patience

4. Thou shall be more positive, energetic, and enthusiastic in my daily interactions

5. Thou shalt practice self-compassion

6. Thou shall seek discomfort

7. Thou shall take daily action towards achieving my goals and bigger dreams

8. Thou shall accept that I won't feel my best all the time and rest when I need to

9. Thou shall focus on solutions

10. Thou shall stop dwelling on all that is in the past

11. Thou shall smile more

12. Thou shall converse with strangers more

13. Thou shall not let an emotion define me

14. Know it will pass

15. Thou shall breathe

16. Thou shall remember to have fun

17. Thou shall stop taking everything so personally

18. Thou shall believe in myself

19. Thou shall lean into my fears

20. Thou shall say NO to that which doesn’t serve me

There you have some examples I cooked up. Here's another ten a client cooked up, which are worth sharing to inspire you further because he nailed it.

1. Stop searching for solutions and trying to fix it.

2. Use CBT to correct faulty thoughts like catastrophizing.

3. Do some meditation for mindfulness training and brain benefits.

4. Enjoy healthy distractions.

5. Live life as if I'm not afflicted.

6. Don't push away from it: Welcome it, be curious about it, and learn to live with it. The feeling always subsides.

7. You can't get rid of it, you can only manage it. Train it.

8. Be grateful and help others.

9. I will react to my feelings with positive, affirming thoughts!

10. You are ok, you are safe. You're not broken or damaged

 A reader of the newsletter offered this up,

- Remember your past.

- Live in the present.

- Embrace the future.

And this little piece of creative genius, another client cooked up:

Now, the time has come for you to cook up your own. Once you do, distill them down to two or three of your most potent, and stick them fucking everywhere, so you're constantly Nudging yourself in the right direction while preventing yourself from falling back into behaviors and beliefs that do not serve you.

Keep this question in mind when completing the exercise: What are some of my most destructive thought patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that, if corrected, will have the greatest impact on my life and future?