Dealing with Depression & Anxiety Over the Holidays
It's the most wonderful time of the year. Supposedly. For some. For others, not so much. It just might be the worst time of year.
Christmas can often bring heightened levels of anxiety or depression compounded by both internal and external expectations to be a merry little so and so that says yes to everything when all you want to do is say no, run, and hide.
The pressure to drink the egg nog is immense, and — similar to herpes — it's relentless.
Dreams Versus Reality
Many find themselves seduced by Mariah Carrey, Love Actually, and Home Alone in the buildup to JC's big day, where one could be forgiven for thinking to themselves—this year, it will be different.
Unfortunately, it often transpires to be a dream born from fairytales. The brandy butter is still bitter, and everybody's still fighting over the same shit they did last year.
Yes, the conflicts surrounding Christmas are vast.
To add insult to injury, those struggling tend to feel enormous guilt on multiple levels while being constantly reminded they're just not up to the task of being Santa's little helper.
And while finances play a role, the most significant conflict giving rise to this shit storm appears to be a conflict of love.
Now, I'm not trying to be the Grinch. Christmas can be wonderful, and I hope it will be for you, but for far too many, the struggle is far too real.
If you find yourself nodding in agreement with what you're about to read, start asking yourself, "how can I combat it so I'm in a better position to manage it and limit the damage that can come from it?"
Here are a few reasons why depression and anxiety can be an even greater ballache during the holidays:
Family
Whenever you have people in your life, you'll have conflict in your life. And because the root of much anxiety and depression stems from childhood, Christmas — sadly — often pulls you closest to those that give rise to the greatest conflicts within you.
This reality is almost always avoided and rarely confronted — by everybody. But there's no avoiding it come Christmas day.
You might find a sibling, parent, auntie or uncle who treats you like shit sat opposite you — surrounded by your entire family — with a cracker in hand pretending all is ok when in reality, it's not.
You're told it's love — and it is love — but it doesn't feel like love. It feels forced, fake, and uncomfortable. And you have to sit with it because you don't want to upset anyone, giving rise to feelings of isolation and other crap you shouldn't have to deal with.
2. Loneliness
Loneliness is an epidemic exacerbated this time of year.
Many choose to spend the holidays alone. Many are forced to spend them alone. And many spend them surrounded by family and loved ones while experiencing intense feelings of loneliness.
With Santa all but a distant memory, the holidays can serve as an unwelcome reminder that you are yet to have all you long for in life.
In addition, you can have issues of finance, ungrateful loved ones, deadly hangovers, immense guilt, work parties with asshole colleagues you have to buy Kris Kindles for when all you really want to do is crack an egg over their head.
The list goes on. You get what I'm saying. The struggle — for many — is real.
However, all is not lost.
Here are just a few tips to help lighten your anxiety and depression around the holidays:
Say No
You don't have to say yes to everything. You don't have to force yourself to attend every social event just to please others if it's going to make you miserable. You don't have to go to that work party or that family event you're dreading. You don't have to do any of it.
You can say No. And you should say No if you're feeling particularly depressed or anxious at the thought of it and know deep down you're going to be worse off for it.
2. Say Yes
Say yes — all the way, yes — to the things you want to say yes to. Even if you don't feel up for them, often, all you have to do is get yourself in the room and take a little time to settle. Once you settle, you'll be both delighted and proud of yourself for taking the time and making the effort to get out and have some fun.
3. Have fun
Just because you are struggling right now, doesn't mean you have to punish yourself further.
Many with anxiety or depression seem to think that if those who know they are struggling, see them laughing and having fun, they will discredit their struggle.
This is bullshit. These emotions you are experiencing can be fleeting. By denying yourself permission to take a break and have some fun, you will only find yourself dealing with heightened symptoms making the task of recovery far more challenging than it needs to be.
Those that love and care for you want to see you smiling. With big fuck off wrinkles around your eyes.
If someone discredits what you're going through because they saw you enjoying yourself, then forget about them. That's their problem — not yours.
Don't punish yourself more than you already are just because you feel you have to. If you can find a way to have some fun, you owe to yourself to get out there and make it happen.
4. Talk to someone
Confide in that special friend or family member that all is not ok. Vent and share your struggles with someone you love and trust. Do this, and you will soon feel the weight of the world lift from your shoulders as well as a sense of pride for having the courage to speak up in the first place.
5. Make time for yourself
It's a busy time for all. You'll struggle to breathe if you don't intentionally take time out for yourself.
Take the time to do whatever it is you love to do — whether it's sitting in watching your favourite movies or getting out in nature and enjoying the fresh air. Or both. Or maybe you just want to jump on PornHub? I honestly have no clue, but you probably do, and that much you owe to yourself.
6. Avoid those that make you feel bad.
Our environment plays a massive role in how we feel. As William Gibson once said;
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
If you have a brother, sister, mother, father, inlaw, outlaw, cousin, auntie or uncle who treats you like crap, then simply limit your exposure to them.
Yes, with family, it can be tricky, but it can be done — do it by spending more time with those that make you feel good in their presence.
7. Accept it
Trying to fight or deny it will only make things worse. If you can accept that this is the way things are right now, you can start focussing your energy on the solutions and changes required to help ensure this next decade gets off to the best possible start.
Surely that's a prospect worth getting excited about?
Remember, it's ok to be sick. We can be sick any time of the year—whether it's the flu, a broken leg, depression, or anxiety. It's all relative, and it all needs you taking extra special care of you.
If you had a temperature, you wouldn't be going anywhere, and lord knows depression and anxiety are a lot worse than a cold. So take care of yourself.
When you start doing that, your health will soon improve.
As a result, January will be less shit, and you can create a catalyst to do the work on yourself to get this under control sooner rather than later.
And the sooner you do that—the better everything will be.